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I turn 30 on September 20th.

Birthdays always make me consider my mortality. This is perhaps more true now than for birthdays past because (1) I am turning a VERY round number and (2) I’m spending all my time in Asia hanging from large rocks. One might even go so far as to suggest that #2 is a response to a crisis caused by #1, but that would be totally unreasonable.

In the event of my demise in some foreign land, I would like a team of you to travel to the place of my death and make a study of its environment and circumstances. A report should be compiled. You should cremate my remains on a funeral pyre (absolutely essential; get it done) and carry them home to my family. The ashes are to be distributed to all interested parties, who will then go and cast them where they see fit – mountains, bars, gutters, and otherwise.

As of my exit from the US, I have few remaining possessions. These will, however, need to be distributed fairly. Please click here and leave your request. Unfunny requests will not be honored. “Old man” jokes will get you dis-invited from the body-burning. A lack of requests will make me feel terribly, terribly alone on my 30th birthday. (How’s that for birthday guilt?!)


visual transitivity